Dinner Fail

Everyone has had those times in the kitchen when they have a great idea (or recipe) and have invested in all the ingredients, has guests over and the dinner flops - BIG! This describes last Wednesday's meal - homemade pizza, requested by my son for his first day back to school.
I asked my son what he wanted for his big day and he said "Mom, cheese pizza and I want you to make it." I said ok, dropped him off for his first day of third grade and headed to Trader Joe's to pickup everything that I would need to make his request a reality. I got mozzarella cheese, pizza sauce, pizza dough, pepperoni, and meatballs. I even picked up a chocolate chip bundt cake for dessert.

Now I have made homemade pizza in the past and it has always turned out pretty well. I have both made my own crust and used dough from Trader Joe's and in both cases, it worked out very nicely. This time, it took a nose-dive. I took out the dough to let is rest for 20 minutes on a lightly floured surface. Then I stretched the dough and attempted to make it in to a pie - I managed to put my fist right through it and use all sorts of words a mom shouldn't. This is what our family calls a "Pop-pop moment" named lovingly after my grandfather (who had no patience and would lose his temper).

Once I managed to get the pizza dough in the shape of a pie, then add all the toppings, I attempted to move it onto a preheated pizza stone (I even remembered to use cornmeal) and I had the worst time getting it on the stone. Finally, my father and I managed to get it on the stone and in the oven. I cooked it for about 12 minutes and checked it - it still needed a few more minutes so it went back in. After another few checks, the cheese was getting browned and I took it out. The crust was not done and it totally killed the pizza. I tried (in vain) 2 more pizzas and they all had under-cooked crusts. I did not like any of them - it was a total waste of toppings. Luckily, my son said he liked it!


The highlight of the meal was the wine and the cake. The cake was chocolaty and moist and everyone like it. I would totally buy it again!

Double-Beatloaf!

Remember the dinner table scenes in A Christmas Story? Dinner for the Parker family was utter chaos, and the youngest member of the family, Randy, was a terrible eater. When presented with a plate of meatloaf, he responded "Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I HATE MEATLOAF!" And I think viewers, both young and old, could relate.

Growing up, there are certain meals that I absolutely hated. I'd cry my way through dinner, trying not to gag as I choked down a forkful of the disgusting, inedible yuck my mom called dinner.

Don't get me wrong. My mom is a great cook. She really is. And there are so many meals that she made that I loved. But it seemed like the platefuls of yuck were in heavy rotation at times.

Here are my two most hated family dinners:

• Ham Steak with Rice and Cheese. According to my father, this dish sometimes included sliced olives, only upping the barf factor. I've mercifully blocked this detail from my memory. This dinner of terror consisted of a huge bed of rice covered in semi-melted cheddar cheese, all sitting on top of a frighteningly pink ham steak. My mom served this culinary masterpiece on a silver platter and little rainbow-tinted pools of nasty ham oil dripped off the pink meat, glistening against the silver. My mom used that same platter for pancakes, but not even fluffy, lovely pancakes could erase the image of disgusting ham/cheese/rice that I always associate with that platter. I don't know what it was about the ham/rice/cheese fiasco that was so wrong. I love rice. I love cheddar cheese. Sure, I hate ham, but I think that my ham-hatred stems from this dish. It was just so...ugh...so...barfy.
  
  
• Corn Beef Hash Pinwheels. Pinwheels! That sounds like a fun meal for the whole family! But dear, sweet god--this dish was a plate of hurl. Nasty canned corn beef hash (which is another disgusting thing I cannot bring myself to eat as an adult) was encased in a gummy dough made from Bisquick, sliced and baked. Then, to serve this gourmet feast, mom heated up a can of cheddar cheese soup and poured it over the pinwheel of despair. The bright orange cheese congealed on the pinwheel but didn't quite hide red bits of hash. The whole thing looked like an orange scab with chunks of blood sticking out of it. Gag. To make this a nutritious and family friendly meal, mom boiled the hell out of Brussel spouts as our vegetable. Nothing like overcooked green balls that taste like fertilizer to go with this one. A meal to remember!

I know it's hard to be a mom...to have to cook every day and try to make meals that are nutritious and delicious, and that please every member of the family. I also know that as a kid, being served a meal you absolutely hate is an act of torture and only reaffirms your thought that your family really does hate you and is trying to kill you.

Somehow I survived these meals...and others I wasn't too fond of. These epic culinary battles make us stronger as we go through life!

So--what were your hated family dinners?